Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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