oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
