Your face is a jimmy john
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize