im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
