this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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