Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
