I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
