We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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