Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got inside last night via doggy door
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize