If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
