the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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