The maid of honor just puked.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They took my balls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
