yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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