i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
