This girl is more easily done than said...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
