I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
