I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
