thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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