i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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