So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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