I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
