just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
bring money and cleavage
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to calm my uterus...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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