so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
