he thought i was a dude.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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