There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
