So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
