Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
