i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
