When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
