And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize