the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
