She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am in a vortex of obligation.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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