that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
