I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
