so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
