I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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