Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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