She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
