I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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