i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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