Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize