"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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