Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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