I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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