Just fell off a train. Bad.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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