Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
