i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
