dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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