So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
