My first STD was from a foam party
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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