Please, let me fuck your mom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
