I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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