Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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