I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
