New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
