How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
