Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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