I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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