just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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