I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A+ Viking dick
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
