im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what day is it and did you see me today?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
