He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
