he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
