Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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