so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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