Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
