I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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